At age 4, success is....not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is....having friends.
At age 16, success is....having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is....having sex.
At age 35, success is....having money.
At age 50, success is....having money.
At age 60, success is....having sex.
At age 70, success is....having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is....having friends.
At age 90, success is....not peeing in your pants.
Benefits of Growing Older
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4:00.
You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the cost of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You get cable for the Weather Channel.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
People tell you about this list.
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You become Santa Claus.
4) You start to look like Santa Claus.
